By Bill Adams
It’s not easy getting old. I’ve tried readdressing SafeSpeak and TechnoSpeak since last March. Either some major world event happens or I just forget about it. When there’s time to address it, my computer screen has a gazillion of them little manila folders and I can’t remember where I filed the damn thing. The topic originally started over coffee when the Raisin Squad started busting my stones because I claimed some vendors can talk for 20 minutes without answering a question.
SafeSpeak and TechnoSpeak are two words I plucked out of thin air – or thought I did. I’m either semi-wrong or half-right because TechnoSpeak is a real word. Both mean pretty much the same thing. My online research seeking formal descriptions of synonymous words found another real word – Technobabble. One description is: “technical jargon incomprehensible to non-specialists; — sometimes used derogatorily of discussions using unnecessarily technical terminology and intended to impress or confuse, rather than inform, the listener.” Another description: “Technical or scientific language used in fiction to convey a false impression of meaningful technical or scientific content.” Yet another is: “From the point of view of the layperson, technical and scientific literature not understood.”
I tried explaining the definitions to the geezers over coffee. It wasn’t working. One white hair said: “That’s how you salesman get away with lying.” I retorted I’m no longer a salesman; I’m retired. “Well, you used to be one.” Another said: “You guys might not lie, but you don’t always tell the truth. Have you people ever just said you don’t know?” The kicker was: “Sure. Ask a damn question and you get a bunch of BS. It is doubtful he was talking about baloney sandwiches.
Following are some examples of possible answers – or baloney sandwich statements – that some vendors can lay on members of an apparatus purchasing committee when asked a question they don’t want to or can’t answer.
Is this cab and chassis your most popular model? “You’ll really enjoy driving this rig. It handles like a Cadillac and just like a Cady, its interior is well appointed. All of our customers that have them love them. They say they wouldn’t buy anything else. If you’d like, we can make arrangements to bring one to your station so all your members can test drive it. They’ll love it too.”
How long have you been building this particular model chassis? “Our company is one of the oldest and most respected manufacturers of fire apparatus in the country. In fact, it started when the original owner began fabricating horse drawn apparatus before the turn of the century. It has been a leading pioneer in the use and development of motorized fire apparatus. It still is today. Our reputation speaks for itself.”
Are all of your service technicians EVT certified? “That is an excellent question. It’s an important topic that more purchasing committees should be concerned with. In the late 1980s the International Association of Fire Chiefs initiated the first formal program to certify fire apparatus mechanics. It has evolved into a curriculum today for Emergency Vehicle Technicians that has different levels of certifications for specific fields of expertise like apparatus, ambulances and crash trucks. There are different tests that must be taken and passed including one to be recertified. Additionally, most of the major suppliers of fire apparatus components provide certifications for mechanics who successful